Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient In An Effort To Meet Women And Relate To Girls

A couple of weeks ago one of my friends asked a question which i thought was worth discussing. He asked about how to overcome fears that pop up at times - even when things are going great.

To be honest it is not a simple question to answer because it varies for every person. There are literally entire books which have been written on that matter alone. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

What exactly are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to reach the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it again and again you will begin to build up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore.

If you try to jump up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be scary - not really impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you may fail too.

The right approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable method to climb a ladder.

Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be particularly scary. So when I am approaching a good looking woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am fascinated by her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of many people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of others.

If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Would you like to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her gentle touches every now and again to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.

These are some examples. Whenever you feel uncomfortable and fearful just try to consider a lower gradient that isn't as scary and lets you make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and the way to relate to them quickly.

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